I picked up a fare at a mall and I had to turn onto a very busy one-way street.

“We might be here awhile.” I said to my passenger, as the traffic was all backed up at a red light.

But when the light turned green, a pickup truck hung back, leaving a wide open spot.

“Awesome!” I said. “Finding a courteous driver in this money town is rare.”

I waved ‘thank you’ to the thoughtful motorist, as I zipped my taxi into the lane in front of him.

‘HONK, HONK, HONK, HONK’ The driver behind voices his extreme displeasure with his horn. It seems he wasn’t being nice. He was just slow and my taking advantage just rubbed his turtle pace into his face.

“Apparently those courteous drivers are still close to extinction.” I joked with my passenger.

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As a taxi driver, I spend my whole day observing other motorists. Often their middle fingers. It is no wonder that the accident rates are so high. Many people are driving around with a borderline case of road rage. Take this one case for example. I pulled into the pickup truck’s lane but I never slowed him up any more than he was already moving. So why did he honk so vehemently? I personally know why, but I’ll go into that in another post.

I do get bored with talking about the weather, and I even get sick of complaining about the traffic.  Humor is usually a good alternative but there are some taxi humor remarks in some situations that don’t always turn out out so well.

1.  When picking up someone while police / ambulance / fire sirens are heard in the background, don’t say ‘Get in quickly: it’s my taxi they’re chasing‘.

2. When a person of an ultra conservative religious sect notices that your (female/male) cross shift taxi driver’s permit does not match your gender, don’t say ‘That picture was taken before my sex-change operation‘.

3.  If the taxi dispatcher has informed you that you will need to have change for a (large denomination bill), don’t tell the customer that ‘Rumor has it that we’re supposed to drive around until the taxi meter reads (whatever the denomination amount)’.

I’ll post more of these as I think of them, remember them, or blow holes in more conversations.

“Smoking in my cab is illegal and the Nazi F**king Police would write me a huge ticket for it.”

“Yah right,” I laugh, “You must smoke about two packs a day in here.”

“I don’t smoke any in here.” He protested. “The f**king Nazi law says I have to have this non-smoking sticker on my window or I can’t get a f**king taxi permit. So instead of sitting inside my cab and blowing my smoke out the window, I stand outside smoking and I blow all my smoke back into the cab through a cracked open window. That way I’m not breaking the Nazi’s f**king law but I’m giving the non-smokers who elected the f**king Nazi government a good strong whiff of my anti-Nazi opinion. Smokers that get into my cab appreciate my allowing them to light-up as long as they pay the smoking fine if we get one.”

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This cab driver makes some very good points. All taxi cabs here are forced by law to have a non-smoking sticker, yet some cab drivers DO smoke, whether inside or outside as my friend does. So instead of protecting non-smokers from smoke, the law just gives a false impression of all cabs being ‘non-smoking’ ones.  A practical way to protect non-smokers would be to forbid a cab from having a ‘non-smoking’ sticker on a vehicle where the driver does smoke. Conversely, it would also allow a smoker to choose a smoking cab if that is what they want.  But that common sense approach doesn’t net the greedy government any extra ticket revenue and we all know that it’s all ONLY about the money anyways.

My friend called it a f**king Nazi law, but in fact it is a STUPID f**king Nazi law.