A.S.M.

It is said whenever Zeus throws a lightning bolt, he farts from the exertion.

Alright, maybe I’m the one that started that rumor about Zeus farts but I do like to take my bowel movements during lightning storms.

Why? Isn’t that obvious? Then my room-mates don’t know it it is thunder or my farts.

I’m not quite sure why I decided to share this snippet with you. I thought it was a humorous tweet when I started composing this post but I think the chance of a retweet is slender.

Anyway, the rain wasn’t a snippet: it poured here for over two hours. Lightning flashed and the peals of thunder were loud as a lawyers lies, as magnified by a media microphone. I had more than enough time to head for the toilet.

Google is like the Zeus of search and Internet traffic. And when Google farts, everyone smells it. I expect the truly humorous part of this post, maybe worthy of a tweet or a retweet, will be on the sidebar. What snippet of advertising will Google deem appropriate for a post that is optimized for snippit, farts, humorous tweet, lightning storm and bowel movement?

LOL Hey! Does anyone need a good tool softener for a comfortable lightning storm toilet trip?

Is this an actual whale fart?

Gross as this is, my internet research brings me to agree that whales do fart.  The ‘fecal plume’ of a whale is reportedly extremely stinky!  No, the picture here is not of an actual whale fart.  It is a representation of what an exceptionally large sperm whale would emit after a beer binge.

This picture is similar to what a guy I knew did in a crowed hot tub.  He wasn’t as big as a whale but he had a gastrointestinal problem.

This humorous tweet is by punsomsaard.  Feel free to retweet.

This is the unbeatable legal defense against a ticket but I’ll warn you in advance that you’re not going to win with it.  The pictures shows how you’ll look after trying to use it in a court of law.  Yet it is the PERFECT defense and it is UTTERLY unbeatable!  (That’s why you’ll look like the picture.)

“You are charged with speeding.”  The judge says.

“No.” You answer.  “I was charged with breaking the law against speeding and that doesn’t exist.  There were no shards of shattered law on the street for the police to sweep up into evidence.”

“The law does exist!”  The magistrate sputters.

“Law only exists in a duped mind.  It is a warped concept that I know is fraudulent.”  You say and watch the bailiffs drawing out their truncheons.  “Regardless of what velocity my vehicle was traveling it can’t physically do anything to a law, unless my bumper hits a law-believer in the ear.  I am NOT GUILTY of the charge of breaking your imaginary law.”

(But this true defence would spell the end of the rule-of-law that the politicians, lawyers and police love so dearly.  We might have to use a better public protection system, that made more logical sense.)

Click Here! For a law of attraction that DOES make sense.

This blurb is by rtwyce.  Please feel free to retweet it.

Do not buy this inane book – or so warns chicken

I haven’t actually read ‘Taming the Tornado Tube: 50 Weird and Wacky Things to Do with a Tornado Tube’ and it isn’t high on my ‘must read’ list either.  I’m not giving you this links in hopes that you’ll purchase it either.  What you REALLY must read is the one reader comment, rating and rant. “Most useless book ever written“. Uh, then why did you buy it?

Taming the Tornado Tube: 50 Weird and Wacky Things to Do with a Tornado Tube

One has to wonder, what the reviewer was expecting when buying the book?  Was ‘chicken’ actually hoping to find some great cosmic relevance, only to be horribly disappointed?  The inane book’s author likely felt there were far too many unused tornado tubes and plenty of people with too much idle time on their hands.  The inane book was written, published and made available for inane people’s inane amusement.  But then the big bad spoiler ‘chicken’ popped from his/her shell to peck away at the inane book’s profitability.

Which looks worse?  The chicken venting disillusionment or the author’s inane book, that was only touted as a laid egg anyways?  This snippet by clickmylit.  Feel free to retweet.

Build up your twitter following by mixing in some small humorous tweets.  These posts at asm.dsiex.org are refreshed often and you’re free to retweet each as often as you want.  If you intend to bookmark and be a regular retweeter, let me know and we will include your site in ASM’s blogroll.