HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT GIRLFRIEND AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’- She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN.’

2. She is not a ‘SCREAMER’ or a ‘MOANER’- She is ‘VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.’

3. She is not ‘EASY’ – She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.’

4. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ – She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.’

5. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’- She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’

6. She is not an ‘AIRHEAD’ – She is ‘REALITYIMPAIRED.’

7. She does not get ‘DRUNK’ or ‘TIPSY’- She gets ‘CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.’

8. She does not have ‘BREAST IMPLANTS’ – She is ‘MEDICALLY ENHANCED.’

9. She does not ‘NAG’ you – She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’

10. She is not a ‘TRAMP’ – She is ‘SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.’

11. She does not have ‘MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS’ – She is ‘PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.’

12. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ – She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’