Subtitle : How do big corporations get so big when they provide such crappy products and service?

My Dad, god rest his soul, was not the world’s greatest handyman.  He tried and to be honest, part of the problem was that he was too much of a spendthrift regarding tools and materials.  I inherited his haphazard handyman skill and my brother received the genes that bring on being overly frugal.  So shortly after my father’s passing away, my brother went into the workshop room and stripped out every tool that might be of any practical use.  My brother left only an assortment of obsolete tools and a badly beat-up old staple tacker.  That is where the staple tacker  saga starts.

Last week, I began cleaning out Dad’s old workshop room in the basement and I tossed the staple tacker into the trash.  Then I had an idea to insulate the ceiling and install new ceiling tiles.  Damn!  I could’ve used that old staple tacker but I remembered tossing it.  And I didn’t have any staples for it either anyways.  So on my way to the store to get tiles and materials, I decide I need to buy a cheap staple tacker too.  I only need a cheap one because it will likely only be used for this one project.

Why are all the building supply stores big chain monstrosities?  Where have all the ones owned by real people gone?  I suppose the answer is that corporations have bribed corrupt politicians into passing dubious legislation that favors the big, bad and ugly.  The decent stores are squeezed out of business, but that is  grist for another post.  This story is just the staple tacker saga.

Without assistance, I pick out the insulation I need and get a carton of ceiling tiles.  Then o go looking for the staple tacker.  The a choice is only between a light-duty Stanley and a heavy-duty Stanley.  I pick the cheap one and select the staples that are long enough for the job.  The staples are also by Stanley and that is a well-known name.  I don’t expect any problems with either – BUT – it turned out the staples weren’t the right ones for that staple tacker.

I returned to the Rona store after finding the light-duty tacker jammed on the staples not designed for it.  While returning the item, I decided to go with the better staple tacker instead.  The bill for my previous purchases hadn’t been as much as I expected.  But I wanted to check that I had the right staples for the heavy-duty staple tacker before buying it and taking it home.  Nope!  The Stanley staples I bough at the Rona store do not fit either of the staple tackers that they stock – AND – the don’t carry the correct staples for those models.  HOW Fricking STUPID is that?

I didn’t purchase either from Rona.  I left the store and went to another supplier where the staples they sold actually matched the staple tackers they carried.  As I was leaving, I examined my receipt and found why the price was so low.  The cashier scanned the carton of 32 tiles but the till only charged me for one tile.  I didn’t go back to get it corrected.  31 free tiles is a fair repayment for my wasted time with mismatched staples and staple tacker.

This saga of the staple tacker needs a better ending and I have one.  As I cleaned up from my handyman job, I found my Dad’s old staple tacker.  I had thrown it in the garbage can but I hadn’t taken the refuse container out for dumping.  LOL!  And the useless staples I had gotten from Rona didn’t fit that one either.

Amazing holes.

1. Kimberley Big Hole – South Africa

Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097-meter-deep mine yielded over three tons of diamonds before being closed.

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(Someone dropped in a wedding ring –

and then Kimberly stopped putting out.)

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2. Glory Hole – Monticello Dam, California

This is the Glory Hole at Monticello Dam, and it’s the largest in the world of this type of spillway, its size enabling it to consume 14,400 cubic feet of water every second. A glory hole is used when a dam is at full capacity and water needs to be drained from the reservoir.

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(Disappointment for Sex Tourists)

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3 Great Blue Hole, Belize

This incredible geographical phenomenon known as a blue hole is situated 60 miles off the mainland of Belize. There are numerous blue holes around the world but none as stunning as this one.

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(In case God gives the world an enema.)

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4 Sinkhole in Guatemala

This photo is of a sinkhole that occurred February 2007 in Guatemala. It swallowed two dozen homes and killed at least three people.

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(A sign inside the door says – Watch that first step!)

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5. This is the famous Rat Hole in Ottawa.

It is capable of swallowing Millions of Tax Payers Money annually, never to be heard from again! It is reputed to contain at least 400 ass”holes”.

The Butthole Palace

Hypnotizing Opens Doors

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Personal opinion on whether or not Dr Phil is really a hermaphrodite.

Dr Phil does have male pattern baldness, which is a function of testosterone production, so that does suggest he is a male. But the subject matter of his shows, his whining voice and his seemly female qualities of empathy and nosing into everyone’s private affairs, suggest an excessive amount of estrogen in his/her (?) system.

Perhaps Dr Phil could a pre-op, post-op or pending operation candidate for gender reassignment surgery? That would beg the question of whether he/she is going from male to female, or from female to male. What do we really know about Dr Phil? Was he/she originally Phillip or Phylis?

I suppose it is entirely possible that Dr Phil is currently genderless or between genders with only half of the reassignment process completed. One set of genitalia has been removed but the replacement set is waiting for the appropriate hormones to fully kick in. Regardless, it was certainly worth a chuckle for me to watch a small portion of his/her show with a the unresolved issue of his/her actual gender in my mind.

So is Dr Phil a Hermaphrodite? If he/she is, then it answers many questions about him/her. It also means that when told to ‘Go F*ck Yourself!’, he and/or she could literally perform that anatomical function.

It is said whenever Zeus throws a lightning bolt, he farts from the exertion.

Alright, maybe I’m the one that started that rumor about Zeus farts but I do like to take my bowel movements during lightning storms.

Why? Isn’t that obvious? Then my room-mates don’t know it it is thunder or my farts.

I’m not quite sure why I decided to share this snippet with you. I thought it was a humorous tweet when I started composing this post but I think the chance of a retweet is slender.

Anyway, the rain wasn’t a snippet: it poured here for over two hours. Lightning flashed and the peals of thunder were loud as a lawyers lies, as magnified by a media microphone. I had more than enough time to head for the toilet.

Google is like the Zeus of search and Internet traffic. And when Google farts, everyone smells it. I expect the truly humorous part of this post, maybe worthy of a tweet or a retweet, will be on the sidebar. What snippet of advertising will Google deem appropriate for a post that is optimized for snippit, farts, humorous tweet, lightning storm and bowel movement?

LOL Hey! Does anyone need a good tool softener for a comfortable lightning storm toilet trip?

I received a survey call from a bank

“Do you have a few minutes to complete a customer service survey?”

“Sure.”

“How would you rate XYZ Bank’s customer service – on a one-to-ten scale?”

“That is difficult to answer. As far as walking into a branch to carry out a routine banking task, I suppose it would be a six. But the general banking practices of this and every other bank are heinous crimes against humanity, so in that respect, the customer dis-service on a one-to-ten scale would be about 5000.”

“I marked down a six.”

“Whatever. Next question.”

“How would you rate XYZ Bank’s facility? Was it esthetically pleasing?”

“The building and decorating is fine. Again, I’ll say six. But, the white collar criminal activities of creating phony money out of debt instruments and ensuring that everyday people remain as wage slaves rates 5000 on my one-to-ten scale of moral repugnance.”

“I don’t have a moral repugnance slot on my survey form.”

“Of course not. And honestly, I’m not interested in responding to the queries that you do have.”

“Why not? We value your customer service survey input.”

“Yah right.” I laugh. “Let me express it this way. When a Mafia thug is firing slugs into your belly, does it really matter if he is wearing a nice tie?”

SOCIAL FOOT NOTE: If more of us expressed our dissatisfaction in everyday conversations, then more would realize that they are NOT ALONE in the knowledge that some things are gravely amiss in this world. The white collar criminal profiteers of the banking cartels really need to be called up on the carpet and chastised like the Mafia thugs that they are.

Are you Stupid?

Take this Tim Horton Quiz and Find Out For Sure.

Question #1 Do you patronize Tim Horton’s Donuts?  Yes?  No?

If your answer is yes, then you are stupid.  Now I’m really not the one who thinks that you’re stupid.  I suspect  you just enjoy the coffee there, as I did.  The Tim Horton Management sees you as stupid.

The events behind this post started three days ago, when I went to a Tim Horton drive through.  I ordered a large coffee to refill my mug ($1.60 after tax), but I was tempted to a chicken salad wrap ($1.70 before tax).  But wait!  They have a special deal for two wraps – ($2.40 for two) and I ask for that.

“That will be $5.17.”  The speaker crackles.

“Hold on.”  My mental calculator returns an error message.  “$5.17 is about a dollar too high?”

At the window, I briefly explained the simple math that showed the $5.17 price was not correct.  Tax is 5%, not 25+%.  They rang it through the til again and the same wrong amount came up again.  “You’ll have to take it up with the manager.”  I paid and continued through.

But now I had the receipt and the reason for the mistake became obvious – (or so I thought) – The two wraps were each entered as their single price of $1.70 for a total of $3.40.  I took this into the store.

“The price is $3.39 for two.”  The Tim Horton’s store manager curtly refuted.  And she pointed up to the inside menu board.

“But I never come into the store and the sign outside reads 2 for 2.40″.

“No it doesn’t!”  She snapped back.

“Yes it does.  Shall we both go out and look at it together?” As we walked around the building, I also mentioned how the $3.39 price seemed a bit insulting to customers.  “Why would someone splurge for two wraps, when they are only saving a single penny?”

"2/ 2.40 doesn't mean you get two for $2.40"

“Where it says 2/ 2.40 doesn’t mean you get two for $2.40!”  The manager made a bizarre statement after seeing that the customer WAS actually right this time.  The lettering format was identical to the board inside and just the amount was different.

“Then pardon me, but then what does that actually mean?”

“I’ll give you the wraps for $2.40 – This time!”  Since the manager was stuck for any logical reply, she very grudgingly relented slightly.

But this was too little and too late.  I had already been bluntly told I was wrong, when I was right.  And also rudely spoken to.  At this point, a manager with any customer service skill should have offered a token courtesy card like maybe $5, along with a simple apology and a ‘thank you for bringing the sign discrepancy to our attention’.  But this is Tim Horton’s and they know that we are all stupid.

I’ll interject a joke here, because I like it and it fits.  A genius went into a pub and found that the bartender was a robot.  ‘What can I get you?’ the mechanical bartender asked. “And may I inquire as to your IQ?’

‘My IQ is rather high.’  The genius mentioned the three digit number and then was impressed when the robot carried on an intelligent conversation on topics that included; nuclear physics, the classical arts and the philosophy of Plato.  The genius finished his drink and left, but on his way out he wondered – ‘What would’ve happened if my IQ was lower?’

The genius raked his hair to put his part on the other side and turned up his collar as a mild disguise.  He went inside again and this time he told of a somewhat lower IQ.  This time the talk was of; the girls in the latest Maxim magazine, fishing and NHL Hockey.  The genius left the bar but decided to try it again.

He put his jacket on inside out, unzipped his fly and tied his shoelaces into knots. ‘My IQ is only 7.’  The genius lied and the robot replied in a very slow voice.  ‘So – will – you – be – cheering – for – the – Maple – Leafs – again – this – year?’

Ironically, the Tim Horton who co-founded the Tim Horton chain played hockey for the Toronto Maple Leafs and he wore a jersey with the number seven.  So perhaps in keeping with the originating philosophy, Tim Horton’s wants to appeal to stupid Maple Leaf fans and so they treat all people as if each IQ matches the co-founder’s jersey number.

But let’s get back to my story.  I opened my computer and I placed a complaint on the corporate web site.  Then over the next day, I took calls from three different levels of Tim Horton customer service and management.  All of these damage control people agreed with me that the store manager had handled the situation poorly.  And in the end, they had managed to ‘un-ruffle my feathers’ and the situation was, for my mind, fully resolved.  Yes, I was still out the $1.03 difference between what I paid and what I should have paid, but I really didn’t care about that anyways.

Then the next day, the last executive I had talked to, from the local Tim Horton ownership level, called me back again.  ‘We would like to give you a complementary card.’ (This should have probably been offered yesterday, and her chat with regional management over the issue likely showed her oversight.)  We then arranged where I would go to collect it.

When I went to the pre-arranged store (not the same location where the problem originated), I first had to stand in line for five minutes before I could even ask for the manager, who didn’t know anything about it, and so had to call the head office.  Finally, she issued the courtesy card – OF FIVE MEASLY DOLLARS!

I phoned the woman who offered it back and bluntly told her that the $5 was an insult.  That tiny amount would have been ideal at the location when the incident started, but after having a half hour of my time wasted in an assortment of phone calls, and then another fifteen minutes blown picking up the insulting card, $10, $15, or even dare I say $20 would’ve been appropriate.  And the skin flint amount showed where the TRUE problem had really originated.  A Tim Horton franchise owner is penny-gripping cheap and they impress a cost-cutting philosophy, even at the expense of  customer service.

Then I finished my verbal and written rant with another input to Tim Horton’s web site, where I promised to give my insulting $5 card to the smelliest and most offensive wino or crack addict that I could find, so that Tim Horton’s in-store customers and staff could enjoy the fruits of the owner’s skin flint nature.

Maybe the location manager was surly because even the $1.05 price difference exceeded the amount that she was authorized to rebate.  Only the 5-store owner’s personal flunky had a big enough public-relations spending crowbar to pry a five-dollar bill from a tight-fisted owner’s fat wallet.

But I entitled this post with ‘Try the Tim Horton Stupid Quiz’ and an insulting five dollars demonstrates the management/owner foolishness, but it really doesn’t cover the major stupid factor.  That daftness was in my story but maybe you didn’t pick up on it.  Just how stupid is a discount of ONE PENNY? The five dollar card was insulting to me but every Tim Horton customer should feel their intelligence has been insulted by the condescending price of menu items in multiples.

There is just one skinny penny difference between two single items and the package deal of two.  Is this one lone cent sufficient to convince a moderately intelligent person to get the extra?  Or is the sleazy Tim Horton management just banking on a belief that most people are too stupid, or lazy, to do the mental math and figure out what they are saving.  And to top it off, the stupid customers won’t always actually get that penny, because the procedure at the till is to ring in two singles, and then to punch an extra button to apply the whopping .01 of a dollar discount.  Is a busy cashier most likely to miss that final step?

Cha-Ching Cha-Ching! More pennies into the owner’s concertina wire protected, cast-iron piggy-bank.

“What can I do to protest?”

I’m glad you asked (even though it was me asking for you).  I suggest that when you drive through at a Tim Horton, you should order your drink and ask for the special ‘two’ deal of whatever food item you want.  But when you arrive at the window, you correct your order.  “After ordering I noticed that the second in the deal is only 1 tiny cent difference from the full price.  That 1 penny is not enough to entice me to buy, so I’ll cancel my request for it.”  – But the item is already prepared and now they have to throw it in the garbage.  And when/if the stack of wasted food cost piles up in the trash, maybe Tim Horton owners and managers will slowly realize that they are only ones who are TRULY ignorant!

If you are squeamish – DO NOT READ FURTHER!

“One of my daughter’s gerbils was obviously sick last night.”  A woman told me as I drove her to work.  “Then this morning I was awakened by a scream.”

“The gerbil was dead?”

“Yes, but the reason my daughter screamed was that the remaining gerbil had eaten the dead one’s face!”

“Woah!”  My mind evoked an unbidden and unpleasant mental image.  “I didn’t know that gerbils were cannibals.  Was that gerbil’s name Hannibal by any chance?”

In further taxi small talk today, I found that pet rodents, other than just gerbils, will eat the dead ones.  Pigs will also eat another pig that dies.  Yuk!

So this is really a nothing post and I don’t have any deep moral to offer.  But if you’re thinking of getting a cute furry little treadmill running gerbil for a family pet, be prepared for the nightmares and emotional scarring that your child could experience as a result of the cannibalistic nature of these creatures.

Do road designers even have driver licenses?

I know that many people are  just crappy drivers but this is compounded by some roads that are piss poorly disigned.  I often say that city planners must have ‘done some lines, before drawing the lines’.   For example, a cement median wide enough to build a two-car garage on, stretches for a half a kilometer between the traffic going in opposite directions – then the left hand turn lane is only long enough for five cars!  Okay, maybe the green arrow light cycle is only long enough for five poky cars but left hopeful cars can even get into the lane until long after the arrow is gone – then the left turning people back up the straight going.  Hello!  Why didn’t you use more of the redundant median space to facilitate the heavy flow of left-turning vehicles?

Does a contributor to the mayor’s campaign fund own a curbing company?  Is the policy for hiring city planners ‘nepotism first and qualifications later’?  (The city might consider installing a drug testing program, but the city planning staff may to stoned to manage pissing into bottles).

Click Here to turn your Rags to Riches

Random drug testing might be the answer to solve many problems.  However, the drug testing should start at the political level.  Have the politicians piss into the bottles first.  Maybe then the problems will be cured without having to drug test anyone else.

I would never text or email while driving alone

Instead, I use my solitary driving time to work on spreadsheets, write blog posts, ot to compose articles.  Then when I have a paying fare in my taxi, I can do texting and email while carrying on a conversation with the person in the back seat.  If you REALLY want to do something positive to improve road safety, you should buy one of the digital products I offer on my sites.  Then I can retire from cab driving. 

Conversational Hypnosis Works

Why do I occupy my driving time with distracting pursuits? I never did – until it became illegal. Now I do it because – well – F*ck Law! F*ck Law right up its over-stretched a**hole. Law may have been slightly better than rule by kings, but law is NOT the right way to effectively manage a society of supposedly free people. And I’ll flagrantly break any law — as long as I can do so without harming a living person.

[NOTE: Law's 'over-stretched' a**hole comes from having lawyers, politicians and police pumping law from behind for so much cash that law is now too butt-raped to do the job.]

…Maybe you should crawl around and see if you can find it!

In the taxi industry, there are some for whom money is the only thing. I imagine it is the same in many other walks of life too. These people may not quite sell their mothers for a small profit, but their integrity is something they wouldn’t miss anyways, so that is for sale cheap.

I’m reminded of a joke…

You Can Have an Incredible Ability

I went into an old-school outhouse with an urgent need, only to find it was already occupied. But as this was a two-seat outhouse, I dropped my pants and occupied the second hole on the bench. The other man was just finishing up anyways.

As he pulled up his trousers, a nickle fell from his pocket and the coin dropped into the hole. The man sadly looked at the five-cent piece that had landed squarely in the sh*t. He took out his wallet and extracted a hundred dollar bill. Then to my shock, he threw the large denomination bill into the hole.

“That’s throwing good money after bad!” I said.

“I’m not climbing down for just a nickle.”

Yes, there is a moral to this story. LOL But if I have to tell you what it is, then your knowing likely wouldn’t benefit you anyways.  And Pritham?  Well, he’ll likely sneak over for that nickle because he would fish a dime out of a urinal with his bare fingers.