A.S.M.

My post yesterday on Karma reminded me of a recent conversation.

“Oh man!”  A guy in my taxicab heaves a sigh of resignation.  “I give up on getting my ex girlfriend back.”

“So you’re folding up like a paper fan?”

“What else can I do?  Karma has decreed that I have to settle for less.”

“And what did you do to merit such a terminal sentence from Karma?”  I asked but didn’t wait for an answer.  “I do know how karma works and you don’t get bad back unless you earn it.”

“I’ve done everything to get my ex girlfriend back.”

“Everything is a very big word.  The entire past, present and future population of the world could take continuous actions for eternity and still they wouldn’t have done everything.”

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“Well, I’ve bashed my head against a solid wall for long enough.”

“If you had really done it enough, then we wouldn’t be having this defeatist conversation about getting your ex girlfriend back because you would’ve done it enough to be successful.  After a guy has bashed his head against a solid wall for too long, he comes to one of two conclusions.  The easy option is to go looking for a weaker wall.  The other way is to strengthen your head and then bash through.”

“I don’t like the sound of that lesser wall.  I just want my ex girlfriend back.  She was perfect for me.”

“But you obviously weren’t perfect for her.”

“She liked me well enough at first.”

“Then she realized that you didn’t have either vision or staying power.  She didn’t relish a future chained to a quitter who would quickly blame karma for a lack of success that was actually owed to his shortage of determination.”

“That’s kinda harsh!”

“It’s fairly realistic though, isn’t it?”

“I’ll keep trying.”  He said resignedly.

“That would be pointless.  You’ve already badly bruised your forehead without leaving any chinks in your ex girlfriend’s armor.  In fact, your feeble efforts have just made her strengthen her resolve against you.  Before you go back to her again, you need to toughen up your skull.  Then you can overwhelm a wall that isn’t strong enough to hold you at bay.  And when you DO break-through with your ex girlfriend, just that will absolutely prove to her that she is with the right guy for her.”

“How do I do that?”

“Well to start with….”  I won’t write my full answer here, because I’ve sprinkled this post with links to the head strengthening solutions.

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Here are some politically correct expressions to cover otherwise awkward moments.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT GIRLFRIEND AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’- She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN.’

2. She is not a ‘SCREAMER’ or a ‘MOANER’- She is ‘VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.’

3. She is not ‘EASY’ – She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.’

4. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ – She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.’

5. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’- She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’

6. She is not an ‘AIRHEAD’ – She is ‘REALITYIMPAIRED.’

7. She does not get ‘DRUNK’ or ‘TIPSY’- She gets ‘CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.’

8. She does not have ‘BREAST IMPLANTS’ – She is ‘MEDICALLY ENHANCED.’

9. She does not ‘NAG’ you – She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’

10. She is not a ‘TRAMP’ – She is ‘SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.’

11. She does not have ‘MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS’ – She is ‘PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.’

12. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ – She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’

It’s not just the girls that involve me in their relationship dilemma either.  I had a guy in my car that asked, “How Can I Get Back Together With My Ex Girlfriend”.  Then he asked me to do about the stupidest thing imaginable.  He was already exceptionally drunk, and he wanted to go over to her palace, wake her up and beg his ex girlfriend to get back together with him.

Get you ex boyfriend back

“Either I take you to your house to sleep it off,” I said, “or we can drive around and I’ll tell you how you can get back together with your ex girlfriend.”  And that’s just what we did – for over two hours while I answered his question of ‘how can I get back together with my ex girlfriend’.

Sometimes when a relationship comes to an abrupt end, either one or both parties involved may still be in doubt that the end is really the end, and this is especially true when a relationship is new. Some men simply cannot accept the fact that their girlfriend walked away. Therefore, they find themselves still hoping she’ll still be there in the morning and that it was all a dream. Are you asking “How can I get back together with my ex girlfriend”, it is important that you create a plan regarding how to do it.

In order to get back together with your ex girlfriend, there are numerous steps to take. Here are some of the tips that you should keep in mind when working through this process.

There is always a second chance for everyone, so it’s not impossible for you to get back together with your ex girlfriend. But first, you should ask yourself some questions Do you still love her? Do you really want her back? Why? Are you trying to get her back because you don’t want to be alone, or you don’t believe you should have been dumped? If you are looking to get back with your ex for reasons other than love, you may be playing a dangerous game that would be better off avoided.

I want to know how I can get back together with my Ex Girlfriend – NOW!

“Dude!” I said.  Chill put a bit.  Do not appear desperate or needy to your girlfriend if your priority is ‘how can I get back together with my ex girlfriend?’ Although you may feel desperate, and you may really want her back, you absolutely need to control your emotions, keeping them to yourself. If you cannot help them, then it may be wise to talk to your friends or family so you can cry your heart out where she cannot see. Do not beg or cry in front of your girlfriend, however, and absolutely do not stalk her or have a taxi drive you over to her place at three AM when you’re loaded.”

Make Your Ex Girlfriend Chase You

Learn how to control your feelings, forgetting about self pity and instead working on the positive aspects of working things through with your ex. If you appear too needy, or if you come off as too desperate, she may end up avoiding you even more.

Keep the communication lines with your ex open. She may have ended the relationship, but you just need to make her feel like communication lines are open and that you want to be civil. You do not have to be the one initiating the conversation, but you should be willing to say hello and have a conversation occasionally with her, keeping in touch casually.

Above all else, analyze what went awry with the relationship. There must have been a problem that led to the end of the relationship, so find out what the problem was if you want to get back together with your ex. Find out what caused the arguments, of which of her needs weren’t being met, and work on rectifying those issues.

Or maybe you could snag an even BETTER girlfriend